cellphones

taking a page out of nick's book, i give you the simanek six!

top 6 things that annoy me about cell phones and the idiots who cram them to their jawline:

6. unintelligible ring tones - with 16bit polyphonic working for you, you can only do so much. "It's the theme from the Nutcracker Suite!" "Um yea, sounds like Sweet Home Alabama to me." Unless you have one of the mp3 ringtone capable phones, just don't do it.
5. deaf talkers - we were a bar the other night and i sat next to man who, in order to hear the conversation he was having, had the thing on speakerphone with the speaker pressed to his ear periodically turning it around in order to yell into the microphone. i know it's a difficult concept, but try stepping outside of the bar in order to have a conversation. I swear, i won't drink your beer.
4. Restaurant talkers - now i don't mind if people at other tables are talking on their phone, as long as they do it quietly and the phone was on vibrate (see number 2), but if i'm sitting at dinner with you, unless it has something to do with your job or an emergency, don't answer it. I'm here to talk to you, not watch you talk to someone else.
3. Belt clips - If you've purchased your phone in the last year or so, it is NOT large enough to not fit in your pocket. Contrary to what many believe, a cell phone is NOT a fashion accessory. It is a tool. And so are you if you insist on putting it on your hip. I admit, there are exceptions to this rule, big nextels, having to carry more than one at a time, concern for the RF going through your nuts 24 hours a day...etc. but gut instinct says you're a dork. And look who that statement is coming from.
2. Ringers - Ringtones are designed to catch your attention. In other words, they're annoying as fuck. If I'm in a restaurant, movie theatre, library, or anyplace else where people are supposed to act civilized, stick the damn thing in your pocket and put it on vibrate. You might even get a cheap jolly out of it.
1. Car talkers - Yes, I'm guilty of it too but I'm making a conscious effort to get better. How many times have you seen somebody sit at a green light or go 30 in a 45 because they were too busy yammering away on the phone? I wonder how many incidents of road rage are indirectly caused by the cell phone. Hang up and drive!