how to ship a package

the idiocy of customers continues to amaze me. just when i think i've seen everything, i get blown away by how dumb people can be and yet still manage to survive in the world.

on friday a customer comes in wanting to ship some halloween gifts to her friends. she asks for some paper and a pen and starts browsing around the store writing down what she wants to send. she hands me a list of about 15 items and tells me she wants to keep it "around $10". um, yea...ok. so which two items do you want from the list? she picks a few things and asks about shipping. i tell her we ship overnight fedex since it is chocolate and a temperature swing can damage it. i tell her i can try to get it out today (remember, it's friday...late afternoon) but if i do, it will sit in a warehouse over the weekend and get delivered on monday unless she wants to pay for saturday delivery ($$$). i inform her that it's best to wait until monday to ship it. after almost an hour in the store, she finally pays and insists that it go out today. i collect her money and ask for the address where i'm shipping it to.
her: "oh, i don't have that"
me:
her: "but i have her phone number. can't you just call them and tell them there is a package waiting for the person with this phone number?"
me: um, no, i need to have an address. you should probably just call them and get their address
her: well, i want it to be a surprise. you can't just give fedex the phone number?
me: no, it doesn't work that way.
her: oh, ok.

so she calls her friend and returns with the address...without the zip code.
her: do you really need that?
me: um, yes. if it were a small town, i might be able to figure it out, but this is chicago.
her: fine! i'll call her back.

she returns with the zip code.

her: i have a question for you. how will she know it's from me?
me: you mean, aside from the note you wrote inside and the to/from tag you put on it?
her: yea.
me:
her: well, i mean, how will she know it's her package and not supposed to be for someone else?
me: that's what the address is for. it will say it is shipped from us, but it will be addressed to her.
her: yes. but i want her to know it's from me.
me: umm...
her: can i just write my name on the outside of the box.
me: sure...do whatever you want.

i finally succeed in appeasing her and pack up the box and send an oompa loompa to fedex. throughout the afternoon, she checks back 3 more times to be sure that it got out that day. each time i get more and more amazed. "yes, it's already at fedex...no, i don't know if it's left the fedex store or not".

fast forward to monday morning.
phone caller: hi, this is fedex. we're trying to deliver a package to "221 XXXXX St." . This address doesn't exist. do you have any information that could assist us?
me: fucking great. i'll have to call you back.

i'm at home later that night and i get a phone call from the customer.

her: i have a complaint. my friend didn't get the package.
me: yes, i tried getting ahold of you a couple times today. fedex can't deliver the package. the address you wrote down is wrong.
her: no, it's right. i'm sure it is.
me: if fedex can't find the address, it doesn't exist. do you want to call your friend again and double check?
her: no, i'm sure it's 221 XXXX. you know, three two's and a 1.
me: wait...is it 221 or 2221?
her: 221. three two's and a one.
me: um...ok...whatever.
her: so how will they know which package to deliver?
me: i'm sorry?
her: if the package didn't get there, how will they know which one is hers?
me: (wtf?!) there is still a name and address on the package...it's just not the right address. i'll call fedex and they'll change the address.
her: so can't you just ship out new chocolate? won't this stuff be ruined?
me: i don't think so. the high over the weekend was only 70 and it usually takes until 75 or 76 before things start to go crazy.
her: well, it was a lot of money and if she's not going to get it today it will be ruined. i want new stuff shipped out.
me: i can do that. but you'll have to pay for it.
her: i shouldn't have to. you said that it was being shipped overnight and that it would be in a warehouse over the weekend and get to her monday morning.
me: yes, i did. but if you gave me an address that doesn't exist, that is beyond my control.
her: but i did give the correct address.
me: no...you didn't. otherwise the package would be there. you wrote down 221...not 2221.
her: it IS 221. THREE TWO's and a ONE!
me: um...ok. well, i need to go call fedex with this info so that the package will be delivered tomorrow.
her: ok.

i know the postal/shipping services are complicated on the backend but to the common user, i think they're pretty straitforward. apparently not.