the two kinds of pain

there are two very distinct types of pain. i look at my hands and there are remnants of mountian biking. my knees and hips attest to my junkie like fixation on indoor soccer. this is the good pain. the same happens with a good hard run. you push yourself and when you see the finish line up ahead, you smile, grit your teeth, and kick into a gear that you weren't quite sure you had. when you cross the line, it's feels great knowing that you worked for it. then there is the bad pain. i've never experienced the bad pain like i did last night. at the start line, the adrenaline was flowing and i was in the mood to kick ass and take names. i started out fast. my first mile blew by at 5:28, 17 seconds faster than the plan. i figured that i'd just see how long i could hang on and maybe i'd have the race of my life.
i get to mile 2.5 and the bad pain starts to set in. my breath is coming in gasps, my legs have that lactate burn, and my shoulders start slumping. i look up ahead and spot another motorolan about 10 seconds ahead of me in a big pack of runners. i'm not about to lose to a fellow motorolan so i grit my teeth and pray for the extra gear. it's not there.
a fellow runner comes up on my left side who must have noticed that i was in melt-down mode. he offers some encouragement and i tell him that he's got a good pace going and to keep it up. he says, "i will, but you're coming with me". a second time, i gritted my teeth and prayed for a new gear. yet again, it didn't come. i look up and spot the motorolan again. he's a few yards closer and we've got 1/2 mile to go. now or never.
finally i find a little extra and am staying with the runner who encouraged me. this only lasts for about 10 seconds when the motorolan's stride opens up and he starts cruising. there's no way i can catch him. he found his gear. michael was there yelling encouragement on this final stretch but sadly, i didn't hear him. i was zoned out just trying to keep my legs moving. according to him, my form went all to shit, my head was down, and i "didn't look very happy". the bad pain: when you've got nothing left, your competition is in front of you, and your goal is unattainable.

my final time for the 3.5 was 20:45 which put me in the top 100 runners and 2nd at motorola. it hurts just to type that. this is the second race goal in a row that i've not kept. i don't plan on repeating this experience on monday when i run the lakeshore half marathon. i WILL break 1:30.