the wedding crashed

there is no one word to describe the events of last night. so instead, you get to read a book.

my buddy baf's wedding was last night. we start, as all good days start, with cigars, bloody mary's and beer at 8am at my place. the boys all sit and bullshit for a few hours until it's time to start running errands. i run wedding favors over to the reception hall, and champagne to the bride for while she is getting her hair and makeup done. 2pm brings us to the church for some hangout time and pictures. the ceremony starts with only some minor drama from some semi-uninvited guests.

for me, the ceremony was extremely hot. i was sweating like crazy due to a very large spotlight over my right shoulder shining on my black tux. fortunately, i was well fed, hydrated, and was wearing a half of a stick of deodorant. it was to be 98 degrees outside that day so i came prepared.

fast forward to the reception post soup and salad. the lights go off to set a romantic mood for dinner. it's very nice with the harpist playing, the dim lights and the sun setting. only after the sun sets do we notice that there are emergency lights on. no power. hebda and i discuss the situation and think, well, they must have a backup generator. word eventually filters to us that no, they in fact, do not have a backup generator. hmmm...so just in case it's a long power outage, we start working out contingency plans. i get on the horn and start trying to call comed and some folks who might have generators. a quick conference with the dj, the best man, hebda, and myself leave us with the following info. 1. sound system is most important for the first dance, the toasts, and the general party atmosphere. 2. it's getting DAMN hot in the banquet hall. 3. the golf course is not expediting this whole process so we'll assume that they're doing nothing. The best man is sent to find a generator with one of the dj's (all of us are friends). Hebda and myself have two jobs. First mission is a backup to the generator plan (an inverter a car pulled to the patio and a fancy electrical job). The second is to investigate their electrical box to see if it is something as simple as a breaker getting tripped. We investigate how to get the car around to the patio when the Comed truck pulls up to tell us that a transformer blew. Growing up with my dad, i know this is not a simple issue. It's a minimum 2 hour outage and, being Comed, probably 6.
I check the status of our generator folks to find that they were able to rent one from Home Depot. They arrive, we unload the generator, fire it up, run electrical, and rewire the entire DJ booth (the dj booth was all vyduna...i claim no credit for that complicated and rather extraordinary feat).
Meanwhile, as if the bride and her mother weren't already crying, two gay guys have a lover's quarrel that ends in pushing and shoving and a busboy getting slapped. One of the other groomsmen intervenes and kicks them both out of the wedding.
Finally, with the drama removed and the electric run, the dj flips the switch and starts the party.
Oh, did i mention that while all this is happening, the temperature in the room is slowly rising. at one point, it's pushing 87 degrees (my chocolate was there, that's how i know). The chocolate is not nearly as concerning as some of the older folks starting to get dehydrated and dizzy so several of them leave. A waiter even passes out and falls down some stairs because of the heat.
With the party back in swing, i start to really "hydrate" myself and drink myself attractive...yes, that's a lot of booze my friends. i dance, sweat, drink, dance, drink, drink, sweat, drink, pull out the afro, dance, drink, and dance some more. finally, we all get a ride back to my place to continue the party and drink some more before passing out.
You think it's over? Nope. This morning, i hear the worst part. When the lights went out, the staff put candles along the floor so people could see where they were going. Not being the sharpest knives in the drawer, they didn't put guards on the candles. When Cindy, the bride, was walking outside to get some air, her dress brushes over one of the candles and catches fire. It doesn't burn her as they are able to stamp it out, but still...they burned her fucking wedding dress.

So the final tally:
uninvited family
a gay lover's quarrel
an understandably very upset bride
a botched first dance
150 people sweating their nuts off
melted wedding favors
several ill guests
a very hungry bridal party
few reception pictures (it was too dark)
and a burned wedding dress

wow.

funny thing though. i had one hell of a good time.