lying sack...

my search for clif shot bloks brought me to a new running store where i had a chance to speak with the owner. he doesn't carry them but he informs me that this "product x" is much better than bloks. with a lift of the left eyebrow, i pick up a pack and start reading. this is where the owner should have shut his piehole.

"there was actually a clinical trial a couple months back and they left these out because it would have blown them all away."
both eyebrows go up.
"they've got a lot more electrolytes and antioxidants in them"
"dude, i just want calories. the shot bloks have 230 per serving. these are only 140. as long as it has a lot of carbs in it, it can be the nutritional value of a parking block." - i had just hit one in the parking lot so this was at the forefront of my metaphorical mastery.
"oh, ok then." he starts pulling out a bunch of bars, gels, and other random crap all of which i've tried and none of which i like. "you know, i just got these product y in the other day. these are excellent."
the left eyebrow is skeptical. my heart rate is going down and i'm in a rush to get back on my bike so i say fine, give me to y's and two x's.
"let me get you a bag for those."
"i don't need one. i'll just stuff it in my back pouch. i've got no place for a bag on my bike."
"oh, you have a bike out there?"
"yep, right there". honestly, how many people walk into a store wearing bright yellow spandex, carrying a helmet and wearing really loud, funny looking shoes? this guy may have done triathlons in the past, but he must have ducked out of the 'how to dress like a homosexual clown segment'.

so i get home with my new products and pop open a product y. first bite, not bad. second bite, holy shitbags batman! what did i just bite into? it tastes like carmel covered rhino dung (and he must have eaten a lot of almonds). i start reading the package more carefully. it turns out that this bar is essentially crap. and even worse, most of the carbs in it are diabetic safe. meaning it won't raise blood sugar levels. now i don't have a degree in this stuff, but from what i understand, this makes it pretty much useless to me...and it tastes like crap too. excellent my ass. i haven't tried product x yet, but i'm pretty wary.