my next profession, private dick

wow, i never thought i would use the term "private dick" in a blog post before but i finally have occasion to use it. hehehe. when i was out in tahoe, a situation occurred where an employee missed their shift and then proceeded to lie about it not only on the phone, but directly to my face when i had returned.
how do i know this? When it first happened, I called to verify what he was saying (trust, but verify). I then reconstructed the morning's events with phone records for my cell phone and the store phone (thank you vonage). Having called everyone again who was involved, it turns out that the story that I was told cannot be true.
Once I put all the pieces together, I was one angry boy. I've debated for the past 2 hours on whether or not just to fire him outright. After a therapy session on the treadmill, I've decided against it but am still going to suspend him for several weeks.

I've never understood why people cannot confess to a mistake. Everyone is human and everyone will err. Whenever I get an angry customer, I immediately claim responsibility for the mistake whether it truly was or not my fault (directly or indirectly, they are all my fault). Every time this has happened, the person has almost imediately calmed down.

Story number 1: Fitzwoody's had just opened, and I took a reservation for 4 for a friday night. I wrote it in the book and promised that we'd have a table for them at 7pm. Friday, 7pm rolls around and I'm on at the bar. The woman who made the reservation comes in to be seated. I overhear her yelling at the 16 year old hostess and I go over to help out. She's mega-pissed. I find out her name, realize that it was me who took the reservation and tell her, "I took your reservation so you can blame me. I'm very sorry. Can I buy you a drink at the bar?". She didn't know what to do. She says "oh, honey, it's not your fault. you're the bartender." Me, "really, it is my fault. i took your reservation and promised you the table. you don't have a table. it's my fault." She was sweet as could be for all of 3 minutes until one of the owners, who the hostess went to fetch, came up to her and made up some bullshit answer that essentially blamed other patrons for not eating quickly enough. then she got pissed again. bullshit does not work in these situations. people can see through it.

story number 2: (god, this is a long post) about a month ago, a girl comes in for a dark chocolate covered strawberry. she pays, takes a bite, and discovers that the strawberry was no good. she tells me how terrible it is and you could see her face flush. I apologize all over myself and tell her it's completely my fault as i had dipped that set of berries. "it's ok, i'm sure it was bad before you dipped it. it's not like you order the strawberries anyways". "actually, i do. there's no way that it's not my fault." "oh..." she then proceeds to look very embarassed that she had even brought it up. 30 seconds later, she is walking out the door with a smile on her face. she has come back several times since.

so, in summary, the simanek guide to surviving a pissed off person:
1. apologize
2. watch your body language. don't fold your arms or fidget.
3. claim responsibility, do not blame somebody else.
4. offer a solution.
5. gauge their reaction. if they accept the solution but still do not seem placated, call them out on it and offer something else. on a side note, i actually had to use this one today.
6. when all else fails, put yourself at their mercy and let them tell you what you can do to fix it.
7. Never, but NEVER, try to bullshit your way out of it. It just doesn't work and getting caught only makes it worse.