gross

talk about disturbing....




















i did not want to see this picture. now you know how i felt.

fore score and seven hours ago....

...scott and i went on a charity golf outing. during this frigid experience, i determined that there are 5 types of golfers. 4 of them were present in our group.

type 1 - the non-pro pro - this entity knows exactly what is wrong with every swing of his club and is not afraid to tell you. he will constantly commentate on what he was trying to do and why he was unable to do it. "i hit it fat. i hit it thin. i was trying to hit a fade. oh, it didn't draw like i wanted." while funny at times, most of his commentary could put Howard Schultz to sleep and is usually directed towards the student (see below). the non-pro pro has his moments of golf brilliance even though his stance is about as fucked up as i am after 3 beers.
type 2 - the college kid - the college kid has a 'swing for the fences' mentality and really doesn't know shit about the game of golf. if he smacks one, he celebrates. if he hits one 3 fairways to the right, he swears enough to make Fred Phelps blush. he is usually drunk for the majority of the round, and if he's not, he certainly wishes he was. he drives the golf cart like an idiot sliding into giant rocks and going through puddles and mud with a giggle and smile. he is me (although i tried to keep the swearing under control and didn't imbibe for a change).
type 3 - the student - as mentioned above, the student is the prime target of commentary for the non-pro pro. she is just learning the game of golf and is mentally overloaded by all the things the non-pro pro is telling her to do. her good shots keep her coming back for more golf abuse. because of inexperience, fatigue sets in towards the end of a round but thankfully (still because of her inexperience) she is not frustrated by it.
type 4 - the bad day golfer - this is another person that every golfer has been...several times. while normally a decent golfer, no matter what club is in hand or how much they adjust, the BDG has the pinpoint accuracy of a shotgun. drives that are to go strait, go right. those that are to go left, go right. those that are to go right, go in the water. those that are to go in the water, well, those find their home. The BDG has a large stock portfolio consisting of companies that manufacture golf balls and golf ball retrievers. 18 holes on a course, 18 balls in a case. coincidence? not for scott.
type 5 - the good golfer - this person is consistently good. on outings, he carries the team. playing with friends, his score is in the single digits over par. he knows what he is doing and rarely hits a truly awful shot. his drives are strait, his puts are in the hole, and if not, very close to it. he person is hated by all.

overall, the outing was a really fun time. we shot a 1 under par 71 but if anyone could put worth a damn, we could have had a 65.