i hate people - volume 9

part 1. i hate slow people. i hate people who talk slowly, think slowly, and most of all WALK slowly. in the morning on my way from the train to my office, i'm in a hurry. not only do i have to get to work, but it's 15 degrees out and my dress pants insulate so well that my peenie becomes the tip of the iceberg with my nuts dragging in the arctic waters of the chicago breeze. two words: fuck. that. if you insist on walking slowly, not only is my patience being tried, but my male fortitude as well.

i do not like for my male fortitude to be tried. ever. it gives new meaning to the term 'blue balls'.

part 2. i hate the samsonite clan. this is my term for people who carry so much shit to and from work that they require a rolling bag so that they do not have to haul it on their shoulder(s). do you really read that much at night that your breifcase is considered "luggage" in most circles? i bet you didn't even open it last night. so instead, you slowly drag that behemoth across the sidewalk and take up my passing lane so that you may appear to not be the lazy sack that you are. for the love of god, just leave it at the office and save us all the frustration. please. i beg you.