are you fast?

we've got a team of three and need a fourth for this: www.monsteradventure.com. if you've got a mean streak of competitiveness in you, give me a shout.

i've been thinking about all the races i'm entering this year and it strikes me as strange that i've only done 2/year for that past 4 years that i've been running.

this year i've entered the following:
shamrock shuffle - 8k
Indy 500 1/2 marathon - 13.1 miles
chase corporate challenge - 3.5 miles
chicago lakeshore half marathon - 13.1 miles
lake geneva triathlon - 1/2 ironman distance (1.1 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run)
midwest monster (link above)
chicago marathon - 26.2 miles

right now, i'm running 20 miles/week and biking (if you include spinning) 60 miles/week. this much leg work has given me a rather strange problem...my legs are getting bigger. normally, i buy boxers in size small because my waist is, well, small. yea...so i'm man-petite...fuck you. anyways, the medium sized boxers bunch up too much and tend to give me a wedgie, but my legs are getting too big for the leg openings in the small ones. so now my choice is to either live with a half yard of linen crammed up my ass or cut off the circulation to my legs. i'm not sure which is worse.

sales pitch

i went to the dentist today and while they were poking around in my mouth, they suggest a $400 whitening package. I politely decline as i think my teeth are in pretty good shape. We're chatting in between assaults from the pokey-thing and i tell the dentist and hygenist (both female) of my new business venture. My dentist declares with this line of work, i'll be every woman's dream. And then she adds that i'll be even more so by the time they're done with my teeth (referring to the whitening package). wow does that woman know how to sell. it was all i could do to refrain from throwing my credit card at her.

i survived this round, but between my anal-retentiveness about my teeth and the promise of attracting more of the opposite sex i imagine that next time i won't be so lucky. i must learn to apply this technique to chocolate (can't be too hard).

that's one fly button!

this weekend i made my bi-annual trip to the banana republic outlet to stock up on all sorts of clothing. i shop there mainly because i can walk in, pick out an entire wardrobe, try everything on, and be out in under 30 minutes. this time it was a bit different. i found a couple of pairs of jeans that i liked and upon getting to the dressing room, discovered that they were button-fly jeans. hmm...having never worn such strangeness, i had quite a time reassembling the crotch once the pants were on my body. after this short ordeal (repeated on the second set of pants) i decided that they were comfortable enough to warrant the extra hassle.

this morning, since i was now in possession of some snazzy new pants, i took the tags off and wore them to work. once at work, as is the custom after my morning coffee, I pulled on up to the urinal only to find that these pants were truly designed by worshipers of the devil. you cannot just unzip, unroll the plumbing, let fly, and be done. noooo...now i must undo the belt so that i can get at the top two buttons, unseat the 3rd and 4th buttons and finally, dig like hell to find and unfasten the 5th button from it's cavern near my junk. thank god it was a one man bathroom. if it weren't and there were a line, it would have been one hell of a show.