more effective than caffeine

Last night at soccer i took a couple of rather hard shots strait into the end of the fingers on my right hand. Thank god I only wear fingersave gloves now. There are little spines in the back of each finger that help protect you from breaking/jamming them. An unpleasant side effect showed up on the train this morning though. Apparently, after having taken one of these shots to the fingers some of the glove material got stuck underneath my fingernail. Have you ever smelled goalie gloves before? Especially old goalie gloves? They smell like ass. Big fat hairy sweaty ass...with extra cheese. Needless to say, upon scratching my nose this morning, I was bitchslapped out of my grogginess and ready for the day ahead.

you can id me by my nuts

This morning, as i'm getting ready for work, I realized that I left my dry cleaning downstairs in the kitchen. I got dressed as normal and walked down the stairs with wallet and phone in hand to retrieve my pants.

On the train a few hours ago, I pulled out my laptop to do some work and felt something uncomfortable gouge my in the junk. I had attached my work badge to the flap of my boxers as i had no free hands to carry it this morning. Of course, I left it there until I made my way into work. Upon reaching my floor I entertained all spectators as I performed quite the emphatic pelvic thrust at the card reader to get the door to open.

i dream of genie

Once every two months I'll have a dream that I actually remember. These past few days though, I've been plagued by nightmares. And not the kind where the axe murder is waiting around the corner watching me finish up a speech to a large crowd after I've forgotten to put any clothes on. Translation: the dreams aren't scary in the traditional sense. They're worse. Instead of the cold-sweat "holy shit i almost died" dream, i get the sick-to-my-stomach wave of anxiety that sticks with me all day. I think it's the fact that these nightmares are incredibly believable. There's nothing in them where you wake up and go "hah...yea right".


Now why on earth do I only remember the screwed up ones? Stupid temporal lobe.