lying sack...

my search for clif shot bloks brought me to a new running store where i had a chance to speak with the owner. he doesn't carry them but he informs me that this "product x" is much better than bloks. with a lift of the left eyebrow, i pick up a pack and start reading. this is where the owner should have shut his piehole.

"there was actually a clinical trial a couple months back and they left these out because it would have blown them all away."
both eyebrows go up.
"they've got a lot more electrolytes and antioxidants in them"
"dude, i just want calories. the shot bloks have 230 per serving. these are only 140. as long as it has a lot of carbs in it, it can be the nutritional value of a parking block." - i had just hit one in the parking lot so this was at the forefront of my metaphorical mastery.
"oh, ok then." he starts pulling out a bunch of bars, gels, and other random crap all of which i've tried and none of which i like. "you know, i just got these product y in the other day. these are excellent."
the left eyebrow is skeptical. my heart rate is going down and i'm in a rush to get back on my bike so i say fine, give me to y's and two x's.
"let me get you a bag for those."
"i don't need one. i'll just stuff it in my back pouch. i've got no place for a bag on my bike."
"oh, you have a bike out there?"
"yep, right there". honestly, how many people walk into a store wearing bright yellow spandex, carrying a helmet and wearing really loud, funny looking shoes? this guy may have done triathlons in the past, but he must have ducked out of the 'how to dress like a homosexual clown segment'.

so i get home with my new products and pop open a product y. first bite, not bad. second bite, holy shitbags batman! what did i just bite into? it tastes like carmel covered rhino dung (and he must have eaten a lot of almonds). i start reading the package more carefully. it turns out that this bar is essentially crap. and even worse, most of the carbs in it are diabetic safe. meaning it won't raise blood sugar levels. now i don't have a degree in this stuff, but from what i understand, this makes it pretty much useless to me...and it tastes like crap too. excellent my ass. i haven't tried product x yet, but i'm pretty wary.

torture!

this week has sucked big donkey balls in the technology realm. i have left my cellphone at home twice in the past week, my cable is out so no internet/tv until at least friday between 8am and noon, and my employees have found out how to use the cash registers to web surf (some quick router updates have since remedied that one).
so i sit at panera to do my bookwork, blog, and eat french toast bagels. those things are fucking great. i'm serious. if you've not had one, get up from your computer right now and go get one...with honey walnut spread. sweet jesus, mary, and joseph...i'm going for another one.

ok, i'm back in the saddle. where was i? oh yes, lack of technology. so this is the reason for no blog posts of late. so now, it's time to bore you to death with more tales of running and idiot customers.
running: i went out for a 13 miler on saturday morning as i wasn't able to make it down to indy to run with zack for the half marathon. i decided to run with him in spirit and went through all the motions save for attaching a bib to my chest (and i drank a little bit the night before too). it's a gorgeous morning, sunny, no wind, 50 degrees. i set out going and am zoned out thinking about absolutely nothing. I normally rely on my legs and lungs to tell me when i'm done running and because i'm still feeling pretty good, i take a side loop through a park. after the park, i break in to my brother's place and steal some water and a handful of gummy bears (great running food), use the bathroom and hit the road again. by the time i get back, it's been a little over 2 hours. i'm kind of frustrated that it took me this long to complete. i get cleaned up and get in to work a few minutes early and map out my route to see just how far i went. 17.5 miles. holy shit. my longest up until this point had been 8. i'm gonna screw up my knees if i go and do something that stupid again.

idiot customers: i'm finding that we're very popular in the stoner community. the problem with this is that they're goddamn retards.
"how much are the strawberries?"
"they're weighed out at 17.95 a pound"
"so, how much would one be?"
"it depends, but anywhere between $2.50 and $3.00"
"so how much would two be?"
dumbass.


me: "which kind would you like, milk, white, or dark chocolate?"
stoner: "chocolate"
me: "ok, but which kind of chocolate, "milk, white or dark?"
stoner: "i don't know...the...the...chocolate kind"
me: oh screw it.

stoner: "dude, if i worked here, i'd be running in back all the time to eat stuff. i bet you do that all the time."
me: "not really. to be honest, i'm not much of a chocoholic."
3 minutes go by...
stoner: "hey, are you guys hiring any summer help?"
me: "yes"
but not you.

on a completely unrelated topic, i saw a dude at the gym today brushing his eyebrows. damn! for all this time, i'd been going around with unkempt eyebrows. how sloppy of me.